sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
