Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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