I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
