Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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