Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
