I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
