hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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