Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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