He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
