You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
