It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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