the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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