He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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