My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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