I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
