...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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