By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
