In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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