He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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