I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
