I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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