She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
