Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
