My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
