You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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