I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
