If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
