If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
