Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
