Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
