I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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