We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
