You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
