I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
