do herpes really smell.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
