dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
