Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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