We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
