The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
