your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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