My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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