She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize