you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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