He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
