i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
