but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
