I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
