Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
