Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
