I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
