Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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