I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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