i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
