Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
