So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
