So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
