even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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