I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
