Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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