For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
