OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
