I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
