The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
