I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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