my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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