cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
