I hate your face
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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