There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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