dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
